Tabatha is slowing learning the English language!

1. LEAD: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling me to lead mummy where I want her to go.

2. DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the bedroom or the new sofa in the living room.

3. BIN: A container which mummy leaves in the kitchen to test my ingenuity. I have to stand on my hind legs and try to push the lid off with my nose. If I do it right I am rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

4. Sniff: A social custom to use when I greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's "Bottie" and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until mummy makes you stop. This can also be done to human's crotches.

5. BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

6. DEAFNESS: This is something which affects me mainly when mummy wants me to come back but when I'm having too much fun to come back. My symptoms include staring blankly at the mummy and aunty caz, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

7.THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Mummy remains amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so I feel it is necessary to warn her of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling my eyes wildly, and generally going absolutely mental!

8.MUMMYS OFFICE BIN: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old sweet wrappers. When I get bored, I turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until mummy comes home.

9. SOFAS: Are to me like napkins are to mummy. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe my whiskers clean.

10. BATH: This is a process by which mummy drenches the floor, walls and herself. I often help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

11.BUMP: The best way to get mummys attention when she is drinking a cup of coffee.

12. LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If i'm lucky, mummy will love me in return. If not, I always go and sniff their crotches.